‘You’re an important part of the team,’ they
said, and yet a simple ‘Thank you’ I rarely get. It’s hard to feel appreciated
when you’re waging in a sea of your own. They are a team; they have been
for a while now. I know that at some point they were all mere strangers, but
the barriers melted away with time; I don’t see my barriers budging anywhere
anytime soon.
I’m different. What I do is different. I only
feel part of ‘the team’ when there’s a crisis or when I’m needed, otherwise I
feel like I’m just occupying space.
I try to talk and hang out with x, y and z, but
they’re all so busy, or just busy, or just conversing with others, so I feel
like a load and I hate feeling or being that, so I just silently occupy the
space at my desk.
It’s been some seven months since I started
working here and to be honest, with myself, I had expectations that were all
obliterated. I admit: I want more. I don’t mean financially, coz I honestly and
currently don’t care less, but I want more work, more life, more vigour, more
fun.
I do not regret leaving my old and first work
place for I must try something different and I am sure I have learnt many
things here that I would never have learnt or encountered there. But still,
there needs to be more to life than just trudging to work or just trudging out
of bed every morning.
The status quo (to use a Latinism for a change)
in Egypt is far from heart-warming and is certainly affecting everyone
everywhere, no matter what they do or how they try to hide it.
It could be that; I’m sure ‘the team’ plays a
role in my cold anger at the world and myself. Everything just seems so messed
up and for an ambitious perfectionist, that’s just bad!
Where do I go from here? I haven’t a clue, but I
most certainly need to find inspiration to get back in my ‘groove’ so I can
begin my journey to being ‘Me’ again.
Good luck to me – and everyone else.
