Rest in Peace on Your Birthday

It is the 7^th of November again. A day etched in memory; a forgotten birthday, one that brings me tears every year, clenching my heart in remembrance.

Already my eyes are watery, I miss you. I've missed you and I can't stop. I don't want to, but I wonder how others carry on without their loved one, how do they stop the tears?

I remember your bright lipsticks, and how my dad didn't like it when I used yours or played with them.

I remember your perfume, well sort of. I remember it wasn't fruity or with vanilla like the ones we get these days. Yours was what my mother called "heavy". It was yours. It defined you. It was etched in your scent.

I remember when you used to stay over at our place, I always wanted you to sleep next to me and I hated it when you had to leave. When you did, I'd come home from school and smell the pillows, till I had sniffed your scent away entirely.

The year after you died, I started university and it was so close to your home. But the house was closed and you weren't there. I wished you were alive so I can stay over and may take care of you or at least hold you tight.

I remember sleeping on your sick bed towards the end.

Life's not been easy; it never is. But I still wish you were here. I wanted to share my successes with you, my ups and downs.

I wish… but I can only remember.

Rest in peace grandmother Lolo.

The Picture, a poem also written for Lolo on her birthday in 2014.